Sometimes I write about serious stuff, but sometimes I like to just make people smile. Let me know which one of these you like the most – and add your own to the comments section!
After attending my first meeting of the SBC Executive Committee in Nashville, I’m ready to answer the question:
“How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?"
One hundred and nine people - seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven Member church Board, who appoint another twelve-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disney. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that the light bulb just needed to be screwed in tighter!
One hundred and nine people - seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven Member church Board, who appoint another twelve-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disney. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that the light bulb just needed to be screwed in tighter!
While on this subject:
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Change?????
How many Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb? None. The Bible DOES NOT SAY anything about light bulbs!
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to place hands on the old bulb and one to catch it when it falls, and one to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb? None. The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
How many egotists does it take to change a light bulb? One. They hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side.
How many post-modernists does it take to change a light bulb? Each and every one of us.
How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb? Forty. Hey, you gotta problem with dat?
How many straight San Franciscans does it take to change a light bulb? Both of them.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they all scatter when exposed to light.
How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? What kind of answer did you have in mind?
How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Approximately 1.0000000000000000000000.
GOT ANY MORE? LET’S HEAR THEM!
